Lovesusti The Worst Film Ever

Protraph Lack of good storyline.

FuzzyTagz If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

Bergorks If you like to be scared, if you like to laugh, and if you like to learn a thing or two at the movies, this absolutely cannot be missed.

MartinHafer I didn't hate "Big Tits Dragon", though it isn't the same sort of bad movie I enjoy watching. I love films that TRY to be good but fail miserably in every way (such as "The Room" or "Plan 9 From Outer Space"). "Bit Tits Dragon", on the other hand tries to be a horrible movie. While there is enough to mildly recommend it for some audiences, it's not a good bad film—it's just a cheesy film that tries to be terrible.Before I talk about the plot and what I thought of the film, I should mention that, not surprisingly, it's NOT a family-friendly film. With a title like this, this should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone. However, what surprised me was how seldom the film showed nudity. It's not a soft-core porno film even though the title sure sounds like one. There are a few breast shots and a wildly sick shot involving a flame thrower (you have to see it to believe it), but it's clearly a mild rated-R film—even with all the blood. And, speaking of blood, the film uses so much fake blood and guts but it never seemed the least bit realistic. While I wouldn't recommend this film to teens (or anyone with taste), it won't warp you for life!The first half of "Big Tits Dragon" has almost no plot. Five not particularly talented strippers are out of work and bored in a small town in Japan. They mostly sit around in their underwear and complain or try to make money. Only about halfway into the film does anything of consequence happen. One of them notices a locked door behind a curtain in their dressing room. It leads to a tunnel to a weird home where one of them discovers The Book of the Dead. She invokes a spell that unleashes a plague of over-acting zombies on the Earth. Then, a battle ensues between strippers and Zombies until the Blue Ogre arrives from Hell to put everything right (this is, by far, the best scene in the film).The acting is very bad and the plot very silly. But, the film isn't 100% terrible because it knows it's bad and makes no bones about it. In many ways, it reminds me of a Troma film—one that wants to be a bad film and revels in cheesiness. And, some of the film is actually clever and funny (such as when sushi turns into zombie sushi). But most of it is rather stupid and it's not the sort of film you want to let your mother or friends know you've watched because they'll probably have a lower opinion of you! Silly, occasionally sexy and quite dumb—this is Bit Tits Zombie in a nut shell. This film is NOT for everyone and is best for someone who is obsessed with the zombie genre. For anyone else, this is easy to skip—and your brain might just thank you!

JPfanatic93 Absolutely dismal attempt to make something resembling a horror comedy, like only the Japanese in their sick psycho minds could produce (any Japanese people that have seen this thing would indubitably concur with me in that last bigotry ridden statement). Easily one of the worst films I've ever seen, which unfortunately even ended up in my movie collection (I never knew my friends disliked me so much they would give me this monstrosity for my birthday... but at least I didn't pay for it, except for the ten years it took away from my life by giving me brain rot). Except for a few nice naked breasts sparsely displayed throughout, there's just nothing redeemable about this audiovisual piece of poo that by rights shouldn't even be allowed to be called a movie, since that would insult anyone who's ever worked on proper films. The plot, if there is such a thing here, revolves around a few exotic dancers (a bunch of girls with hardly any acting experience, which is clearly revealed) who find themselves under siege by completely unconvincing looking zombies (my cat's fleas could have provided better make-up effects!) after discovering some old book containing incantations capable of resurrecting the dead. Every supposed joke the brainless mutants called 'writers' make misses its mark completely, making this movie so painfully cringe worthy this flick is very hard to sit through, even though it's running for only 74 minutes. To make matters worse – yes, that is actually possible – the movie boasts 3D effects: every time an icon pops up in the corner of the screen, you can put on your 3D glasses, but what is seen when wearing these is not 3D, it's just jumbled, messed up imagery, inducing nasty headaches within seconds. Depth is obviously non-existent in every way here, it might as well be called a 0D movie. If there ever is such a thing as a public movie burning rally somewhere, this is the title you're most likely to see in agony on the bon fire; I'd be first in line to make sure no copies of this horrific pile of garbage survive the event. Original Japanese title: Kyonyȗ Doragon: Onsen zonbi vs sutorippȃ 5: if there's indeed a part 1 through 4 of this (I never bothered finding this out), watching the series in a marathon is nothing short of committing seppuku, the dishonorable version.

zetes I remember hearing about this film's existence when it was released a couple of years back. The title is irresistible (I think the original title it was appearing under at festivals was just Big Tits Dragon, and the UK DVD is entitled Big Tits Zombies; I opted to list it under its literally translated Japanese title), but I kind of figured it would be a Snakes on a Plane scenario where the title was by far the most amusing thing about it. I was mostly correct, but it wasn't a total... um, bust, I guess. It's bad, probably even godawful, but it's so dumb and silly and cheap that it has a kind of charm. It kind of comes in a wave of Japanese splatter flicks that were popularized by movies such as Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police. This one has like no money behind it, though, so the special effects are all made with super-cheap CGI. Except for one bit where two of our stripper heroes get fake blood spattered all over their big tits, I think all the blood is CGI. The five hot actresses help make the film a lot more tolerable. Aoi Sola is the star. She's a pretty popular Japanese actress who, indeed, has some big tits. She's gorgeous and I actually have a couple of more films with her in it coming up (in fact, I rediscovered this movie because I had just ordered a different movie with her in it; she also stars in a film called A Man, a Woman and a Wall which is on Netflix Instant and which is frequently recommended to me by the site). Risa Kasumi (looking a bit like Eihi Shiina from Audition and Tokyo Gore Police) and Mari Sakurai (playing a goth chick who likes to cut her wrists, a weirdly common character in these sorts of films) play the other two major characters, with Tamayo and Io Aikawa rounding out our Strippers 5. There really isn't that much nudity in the film. The total amount of boob shots equals about one whole minute. It's pretty tame for a Japanese film - probably could have premiered on Japanese Nickelodeon if it weren't for it's most hilarious scene, which features a fire-belching demon vagina.

SnakesOnAnAfricanPlain Was I expecting too much from this film? Doubtful. All I really wanted was what the title promised. Big tits and zombies. There are some nice breasts on show, but they aren't that big, nor are they around for very long. This is the kind of cheap Japanese video film that is shot in a few days. The zombies are also not very impressive. Some just have grey faces, making all these zombies look like they died in a fire. Others have horrendous masks a child would be embarrassed to wear at Halloween. Some of the zombies don't even make sense, with one guy donning a skeleton mask, even though he only turned in the last few hours. The film is meant to be laughed at, certainly, but it needed more ridiculous fun to succeed, Successful parts included the running down of a resident, zombie sushi, and the main villain being particularly pleasing to the eye. Sometimes it's camp fun, like seeing the strings levitate a head, but when the film can't even meet quality standards regarding the tits or the zombies, then it's time to move on.