Lovesusti The Worst Film Ever

VeteranLight I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

Zlatica One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

Sarita Rafferty There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

FacemeltingFilms Italian 80's horror movies always feel like sketchy territory. The actors are always too shiny, everything is lit like a porno and the Italians in the 80's couldn't act. Well, at least not the ones in this movie. Plankton starts off as a typical s--tty Italian horror movie but seems to make all the right choices. Out of nowhere you go from bored to enthralled. To this day I've never seen another film with homosexual fish sex. I think Plankton is the first.Four teenagers decide it's a good idea to get into a motorboat and ride into the sunset (and into the middle of the ocean). Predictably they get lost and run out of gas. Soon they are lamely paddling their way through a stormy dark night, crying in the rain. On the verge of death they randomly bump into a huge metal ship floating in the middle of nowhere. Desperate, they climb aboard to seek shelter. They soon find that the ship is half laboratory and half 80's Italian bachelor pad complete with a stocked bar and sexy neon lights. They also find that the ship is strangely empty.The film moves on with stumbling acting, horrible lighting and a basic disinterest in creating a well made film. There are strange unexplained things like a cartoon fish on the wall with a little girls voice that screams at everyone and a robot shower that wants to have sex with you and screams, "USE YOUR FINGERS!" over and over again. One of the more funny moments of the film happens early on when, as the girls are changing, one girl holds her boobies up to the camera and declares, "I think I need a new bra!" Then things start to get strange. They start hearing strange noises, one teenager will flip out and start screaming and crying and the next minute they will be fine again. The main character, Mike, starts snooping around and finds out that the ship was researching prehistoric piranha for a few years. The piranha are gay fish with unusually large genitals. For real. He actually says this out loud! Now here's the kicker: The scientists are all gay too and they have been fu--ing the fish for years! Apparently gay sex leads to mutations because all the scientists have either turned into huge gay fish or have been eaten by huge gay fish. Slowly the teenagers each fall to similar fates.In the world of bizarre 80's Italian horror films this is right up their with Nightmare Beach and um……. I guess those are the only two I know. So it's definitely in the top 10! But for director Massimiliano Cerchi this is old news. He went on to direct such classics as Satan Claus, Brainmaster, The Mummy Theme Park and Carnage Road. His IMDb page is so impressive Face Melting Films is thinking about building a guide for the guy. Plankton is something that has to be seen to be believed and even though I've seen it I still don't believe it!

Scott Mitchell This film is by far the best sea horror I have ever seen bar none! The sex scene's are perhaps the best and are on par with those in Team America. The special effects are probably the best I've ever seen. And with dialogue such as "how long have you been f******g fish professor" "what, they were all of age!" you can't go wrong! This film's "radioactive levels were above danger-zone!" The dialogue is ace, and the dubbing was the best dubbing seen in any film, ever. They should've won an Oscar just for the dubbing alone. How can a film with so many continuity errors pose the question of man/woman - fish relations and still remain so entertaining.

cath-stinton I didn't expect anything amazing from this film. It was specifically bought on a late-night wander around Tesco on a hunt for something to amuse a group of five friends with. It was a toss up between Creatures of the Abyss or something to do with a leprechaun and some rappers. 'Creatures' won, solely for the expression on the face of the girl on the front cover, and the fact that none of us like rap.We weren't disappointed with the result. We went expecting some atrocious acting, stupid plot, and something generally cheesy and terrible we could watch while drunk and laughing at it. It provided exactly that. It was a bit slow before any of the truly ridiculous incidents came along, but the actually-flying fish attaching itself to Random Girl #1's throat kicked off a roller-coaster of a time.I found myself laughing so hard I couldn't breathe in a grand total of two incidents during the film - the first, Slightly-Branier Guy's rampage of the fish lab, destroying everything in sight with a large bone, randomly grunting all the way and showering Stupid Guy with random bits of lab as he cowered in the corner. Mostly the overblown nature of the scene, the aforementioned mad grunting (sound guys should have been fired) and the fact that this scene took up about five minutes of random destruction did it. Then there would be the Random Surviving Scientist who, it was pointed out, shared a surprising similarity to Billy Connelly and existed only to look scary and die at the end being pointless.But the best scene was, indeed, the fish-man-sex scene. Random Girl #2 not realising that she was having sex with a fish was funny enough, but the eye-swallowing scene almost made me choke to death with laughter at just how ridiculous it all was.Other highlights would include the truly bizarre range of different accents Stupid Guy chose to use, Random Girl #2 giving birth to a ship's worth of caviar, Random Girl #1 shooting herself in the head with a harpoon girl, and the expressions on the face of Random Girl #3 when she has tentacles coming out of her head.Grotesque, ridiculous, and NO WAY made in 1994 for the general visual quality, if you're looking for a film so terrible you'll end up laughing at it, I'd recommend Creatures of the Abyss. Expect girls who are pretty much interchangeable, random nudity (on a freaky abandoned ship, girls get topless, look down at their breasts and say "I think I need a new bra." Scene over), terrible sound, and caviar.Lots of caviar.

Coventry "Creatures from the Abyss" is an insignificant and very nasty Italian romp that 'borrows' elements from every notable underwater SF/horror film made in the past 25 years. It rips off the obvious classics like "Piranha", "the Abyss" and "The Thing", but it also steals ideas from B-movies of which I never assumed they would have inspired anyone to do the same. Like "DeepStar Six", "The Blob"-remake and even Roger Corman's "Humanoids from the Deep". Don't even consider buying this flick if you got any good taste left in you, as this is really bottom of the barrel camp! We're talking atrocious acting, hilariously bad dialogue ("Hey, that fish has an evil expression!") and grotesque gore that somewhat resemblances the artwork of Screaming Mad George. Nonetheless, I loved watching it simply because it's such dumb and brainless entertainment that doesn't require any involvement whatsoever. The plot centers on five stupid teenagers who planned a nice day at the beach with their rubber boat. They're overcome by a storm and seek shelter on an Oceanographic Research yacht (let's ignore for a moment that they supposedly drifted off to the middle of the Atlantic on that ridiculously small motorized raft...). Despite the ominous setting of the abandoned yacht, they throw a little dinner party and have some sex. Until, finally, one of them (who at least has a little brain capacity) discovers that giant amounts toxic waste poisoned the plankton in the ocean. Seeing that this plankton is an essential food source for many ocean organisms, the fish have mutated and eaten the crew. Some sequences rate very high on the repulsive-scale, like a girl vomiting sea-creatures or a dude transforming into a rancid monster during a sex-act. The nauseating gore actually is the only reason to check the film out, since there's not much tension or intrigue. It's an unusual type of gore for an Italian film, I'll give it that, as it doesn't handle about zombies or mad raving cannibals for a change. The English dubbing is downright painful and easily one of the worst I ever beheld...and that has got to mean something."Creatures from the Abyss" is an Italian film made in the 90's. The only Italian genre director who still meant something during this decade was Michele Soavi and he sure as hell didn't have anything to do with this production. That should give you a little idea about how "good" this film is. It's sick, ugly and monstrous! You can either take that as a warning or a recommendation.