Artivels
Undescribable Perfection
Aiden Melton
The storyline feels a little thin and moth-eaten in parts but this sequel is plenty of fun.
Keeley Coleman
The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;
Josephina
Great story, amazing characters, superb action, enthralling cinematography. Yes, this is something I am glad I spent money on.
six-s-six
I am taking the time and liberty of making CrossBones my first ever comment on the IMDb! Let me say: It sucked. It sucked from the two girl's cup. Thank you for your time and consideration...Oh, wait, I have to type more? OK. This movie is the reason that Y2K thing should have happened. That and the whole "robots harvesting our bodies for fuel" plot that was outlined for us in The Matrix. Simply ask yourself, "Do I like my life?" If you answer "Yes", then please disregard this movie and go about your charmed lives. But if you answer "No", then WATCH AND SUFFER YOU DIRTY MAGGOT! That's right, YOU LIKE BEING TALKED TO LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU?! Freakin' masochists. I will keep a special copy warm in Hell for you, brother. Until then, videe well, my droogs. Videe well...argh!
cael_cyndar_2004
...look at the box art. If you want to see the second-best part, fast-forward through approximately 99% of the movie, stopping only for the parts where the producer's gold-digging girlfriend is in a bikini or lingerie. The two or three minutes of screen time she takes up dressed like that is essentially the only part of this movie that's watchable. This movie has actually surpassed HOUSE OF THE DEAD on my Top 5 Worst Movies I've Ever Seen list.You hear that, people? This is *worse* than Uwe Boll's HOUSE OF THE DEAD! As far as why--When your movie is theoretically about a cursed zombie pirate, it should actually have a cursed zombie pirate in it! The movie's only ninety minutes long, yet it takes over fifty minutes for the "fearsome pirate" to kill someone. (And if that guy's a fearsome pirate, I'm Julia Roberts.) The characters on the reality show are all obnoxious to a ridiculous extreme, except for two of them. Within 5 minutes of their introduction, you'll know who you want to die, and predictably enough, they do.If you want to enjoy the time spent watching this garbage, turn on the movie and go do something else for 90 minutes. If you insist on actually sitting down in front of the movie, either fall asleep or bring some strong drinks.
drosz22
sorry guys, someone loaned me this on and I honestly have to say that it is pretty unwatchable. the story seemed like a relatively good (albeit somewhat tired) "reality" show horror movie crossover, then quickly eroded. I have posted spoiler alerts, but for those of you that missed it at the top.... SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! it takes 52 minutes (the film is 88 minutes total), yes 52 minutes for the first kill!!!!!!! WTF?????? I could have watched a third of POCII before anyone got "slaughtered" in this movie.... the pirate kills don't count at the beginning, because that is somewhat not pertinent to the modern day story. the effects.... what effects???? they were talking about this "undead" pirate being all chewed up, yet he looked the same from 150 years ago. and the red-headed "native" girl from the beginning? HA!!!! it's supposed to be 1841 and she has implants! BRILLIANT!!!!!! this movie had me laughing when the Spanish pirate talks with the stereotypical English "pirate" accent. this movie was nothing short of a train wreck, but hey..... they achieved what they were striving for and got it to LGF!!!!!!! YEARRRRGH!!!!!!! this treasure should have stayed buried!
praetoria
Comparing this movie to anything else made ever is an insult to whatever you are comparing it to. If you have ever wondered what reality show people searching for fame do once their 15 minutes are over, this is it. It stars a few reality show rejects (Hardy from Big Brother, some Temptation Island girl, and some Survivor girl).One of the sub plots of this "movie" was a girl sleeping with a reality show producer to win a show. Is it possible this hits a little close to home? The only way I can figure it, is someone sucked her way up Lion Gates Films to get this distributed through them. I can not stress how bad this movie was.The film looks like it was shot with VHS camcorders from the 70s. Make up consists of clown make up and a pirate costume. Special effects (if you can call them that) consist of stabbing three feet to the right of the target and then thrashing in the water with Kool Aid.The "actors" took themselves so seriously, that you can't help but laugh. All of the camera angles focus on T&A and every scene you expect them to end in an orgy. This should have been a STV soft porn, but in the end it ended up being a big tease.The budget for this movie must have been in the 10s of dollars. Avoid at all costs.
