HaemovoreRex
Interestingly, this film is already listed on the IMDb under it's alternative international title of Ninja Knight: Brothers Of Blood. However, for anyone feeling a bit too lazy to type in the said longer title, read on..... :o)This cut and paste 'classic' stars IFD regular, the one and only Mike Abbott who appears in this as Rex, top drug lord and Cornish man to boot! Matters get off to a cracking start with Rex who's dressed as though he's going to an eighties disco meeting up with fellow drug lord Bill who's dressed in one of those grey shiny material eighties suits for a major deal. Rex however gets a bit greedy and decides to pull a fast one on Bill by whipping out a gun on him and having his men shoot Bill's cronies. Bill is predictably slightly miffed by this decidedly un-sportsman like conduct and promptly hightails it out of the immediate vicinity with the drugs money under his arm. Suddenly out of nowhere two brightly clad ninja appear and snatch the case leaving Bill now running for his life empty handed as bullets are landing everywhere around his feet......We next cut to the other film into which the newer sequences are edited where we find some goons (including one who bears an uncanny resemblance to the late footballer George Best!) holding up a liquor store. The robbery goes fine but as they are driving off (rather leisurely I might add) in their getaway car they can't help but notice that a gormless looking dork who is standing by a fence has gotten a good look at their faces. With this in mind they calmly reverse the car and plug the still completely motionless and seemingly zombified imbecile full of bullet holes! It transpires that the hapless fools name was Michael who is later revealed to have scrawled part of the getaway cars registration number on the ground before expiring.Meanwhile back to the other story and Rex phones up his boys (the robbers in the other film) to arrange a meeting with Raymond…..who the hell is Raymond you might well ask? Well it turns out that he is the main bad guy from the other film(!) Back to the original film again now (are you keeping up with all this?) and in a somewhat predictable plot development Michaels brother Jack swears an oath of revenge for his brothers murder. Matters subsequently take a further turn for the worse next when in a decidedly unlikely plot contrivance Jacks father is also accidentally killed by the same goons who murdered Michael during a crossfire shootout in the midst of an illegally held fistfight.In between these family woes Bill is busy in exacting his own revenge against Rex's minions. Rex himself turns out to be still up to his illicit ways and in one scene in an apparent blatant disregard for the law is seen taste testing some drugs by the roadside(!!!) proclaiming the merchandise as and I quote, 'Some good sh*t'.Meanwhile Raymond gets wind of Jacks exploits and resolves to put a stop to his meddling ways via a drive by shooting at Jack's house. As it turns out, Jack survives the attempt but his mother and sister are killed. Furthermore, Raymond proceeds to kidnap and subsequently rape Jacks other sister (who like her late brother Michael before her stands and watches the carnage of her families slaughter with a not dissimilar vacant expression). This prompts Jack to go to Bill for help who arranges for some weapons to be delivered to Jack in a carrier bag that Jack curiously holds onto tenaciously for the remainder of the film. Predictably the rest of the film involves Jack wiping out all those miscreants responsible for his families deaths. This he achieves by disguising himself in various crappy looking hats so that his victims won't recognise him……an ingenious tactic I'm sure that you'll agree? Rex meanwhile is becoming increasingly peeved with Bill who is wiping out all his lackeys. In one hilarious scene Rex is standing in a public park bemoaning the fact that Jack and Bill are laying waste to his plans when he suddenly proclaims to his henchman that he needs 'to take a p*ss' (no I'm not making this up!) As he is busy performing his bodily functions Bill suddenly appears brandishing a machine gun and opens fire on him. Understandably somewhat shocked by this incivility and the interruption of natures call, Rex runs down the hill with his member still clutched firmly in his hands whilst his poor henchman isn't so lucky and gets plugged full of lead.Bill next informs Jack as to a deal going down between Raymond and George Best look-alike (remember him from earlier?) The scene is thus set for a final showdown which is against all odds actually handled rather well (honestly!!!) During this gun battle however Jack takes a slug in the gut from Raymond who manages to fire off a few rounds in his death throes. Finally Jack blasts away George Best look-alike before the police turn up (late as ever) and apprehend him.For the obligatory finale Rex and Bill (both decked out in full military togs) square off atop a hill during which as many expletives as ammo rounds are exchanged. Eventually the two adversaries resolve to settle their differences in hand to hand combat utilising knives. Rex predictably comes out worse but has the final laugh by blowing himself up with a grenade at which point the film abruptly ends.....erm OK.Yep this is a typically inept and hilarious IFD effort which features the usual quota of unintentionally side splitting scenes as well as a plethora of bad dubbing and voice over work. Best of all is Mike Abbott's broad West Country accent, especially as evidenced whenever he utters an expletive such as 'Arrssssse'.For fellow fans of bad movies, a must see!
