Micransix Crappy film

Crwthod A lot more amusing than I thought it would be.

Glucedee It's hard to see any effort in the film. There's no comedy to speak of, no real drama and, worst of all.

Curapedi I cannot think of one single thing that I would change about this film. The acting is incomparable, the directing deft, and the writing poignantly brilliant.

john22900 SPOILER ALERT! First of all, the title and the video box have something in common: they respectively hype and show the pre-hysteric women of the prehistoric planet - something alas the movie does not contain at all! There is one "prehistoric" woman and she's not very prehistoric! However, she is played by Irene Tsu so who cares, right? Suzie Kaye is a crew member on COSMOS I and she is great to look at too! Hubba, hubba! In fact, between those two, they're the only reason to tune in and watch this ripoff because there are no prehistoric women, half-dressed in loin cloths like Raquel Welch, Victoria Vetri or Julie Ege.The plot concerns a spaceship (COSMOS III) that is overtaken by the "savage" Centaurians on board. The lead spaceship, COSMOS I, headed by the "sober"(?) captain, Wendell Corey, flaunts a directive to return to homebase and instead turns back to look for COSMOS III, which has presumably crashlanded on a planet in the SOLARIS system, which by the way is a dead giveaway for the plot twist at the end of the movie.COSMOS I lands safely and then sends out an expedition to look for survivors (if any) of COSMOS III (what, they couldn't land closer to the wreckage than that?) In the meantime, one of the Centaurians, Irene Tsu, leaves COSMOS I, to go for a little walk just for the hell of it. Meanwhile the rescue expedition encounters iguanas that explode into flame when hit by pellets ejected from toy ray guns! They also encounter steaming pools of acid which one very clumsy and expendable crew member manages to fall in. Meanwhile back to Irene Tsu (and none too soon either). She gets kidnapped by a guy named Tang, whose mother and father were crewmembers on the crashed spaceship 18 years before! Finally, the rescuers reach the crashed spaceship and find a few bones and skeletons - and a fake spider that does in Chief, Stuart Margolin. One almost wishes it had done in perennial funnyman, jokester and co crew member, Paul Gilbert instead (talk about your sexual harassment!). The talk goes on endlessly, if not between Wendell Corey and Keith Larsen, then between Keith Larsen and John Agar! The talk wouldn't be so bad but those scientific explanations go on endlessly and even seem to confuse and confound the scientists on board the spaceship! The end twist would have been more believable had we not seen other primitive men try to kill Irene Tsu and Tang who at the end are supposed to be Adam and Eve, the FIRST MAN AND WOMAN on this new planet which as the movie fades out, Wendell Corey decides to name EARTH! If you don't take this movie seriously, it is one big laughfest. Oh, not as many laughs as say PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, but it has its share.

Ralph This ranks for me a 6 whether with the MST3K commentary or not. That is as in bad movie 6 that is. C'mon you've got to give a sci fi movie a little bit of slack since it's, 1: filmed in color, 2: talks about how people age on planets while the space travelers don't since they are traveling at the (close to) speed of light, 3: super hot chicks, mostly Asian ones who are all stacked and the movie flaunts it throughout, 4: it has recognizable actors in it (none of the eye candy, which is probably a good thing so we see more skin), 5: it has the "stunning" ending which Corman did before with Teenage Caveman. So there it is in a nutshell, several hot Asian babes showing just enough skin to make it interesting, John Agar in one of his finest roles, the snitch from the Rockford Files who lays it out to the stupid Officers (He's a Chief), saying WTF? Oh I know it's bad, really bad, but give me some Asian skin to look at in a Sci Fi flick and I'll watch with glee. That Engineer LT comedy relief was not bad either, you could tell he was cool because the MST3K crew were getting pi#sed off because he was actually pretty cool. Oh I forgot to mention, they fry a living iguana lizard with fire and that was definitely a real shot of that lizard burning alive, its so cruel but compared to watching a Faces Of Death movie, I'd rather see a lizard die on screen, PETA can go bite me! 6 of 10, yes it's really bad but in a good way, probably best seen with the MST3K commentary but enjoyable without it as well.

lemon_magic My overwhelming first impression of "WFTPP" was probably not the one the filmmakers were hoping for: "Man, poor Wendell Corey was already in baaad shape by 1966". I'm serious - the guy still had some dignity and presence on film, but he was noticeably slurring his words in even his most important scenes (and let's remember these are the takes they KEPT) and seemed little more than a shell of a man most of the time. And at that, he was still had the most "gravitas" of any actor in the production.My second thought: "Well, Linda and Tang made a cute couple, alright, but the movie makes it clear that there are ALREADY primitive people on the planet besides them, and so the whole "Adam and Eve" plot twist just doesn't work. They were probably killed and eaten 20 minutes after the Cosmos I took off for the last time".My third thought: "Two comedy relief roles in the movie was a bad idea. Both these actors have been genuinely funny elsewhere (especially Margolin, who more than pulled his weight in series TV roles), but they are really out of their elements here. They are (in Mike Nelson's words) "dead rotting squirrel(s) in the punchbowl of the screenplay". Actually, Nelson was talking about another actor in another movie in another book he wrote a few years back but I think this simile is quite appropriate here.My fourth thought: I recognized one of the 'ray guns' the crew was using as a plastic toy that I played with as a child. It was a "Secret Agent Man" weapon - you pretended you were a secret agent about to be attacked and you pressed a button on the side of your 'radio' and a barrel shot out of the side and the 'speaker' unfolded to become a pistol grip. They cost about $3.99. They were cool toys, yes, but they were TOYS. I very nearly hurt myself laughing upon seeing this one resurrected as a prop in a science fiction movie.Similarly, at one point, a crew member strings a piece of TWINE across a creek bed (filled with dry ice) for the exploring party to hold onto as they walk across the (8 foot) gorge via a fallen tree. I repeat: not a rope, not a cable,but a piece of TWINE, not even suitable for flying a kite on a March afternoon. I understand that the budget would be skimpy in a movie like this, but this was ridiculous.So, in general, this was a pretty dopey movie, and one that did not live up to the promise of its title (there is just one woman) or the tag-line (we never see any primitive "women" interact with Tang, the crew, or Linda in any way). It's not even bad enough to be memorable. However, I'm sure the audience enjoyed it as background noise while they were making out at the drive-in!

CelluloidRehab Somewhere in space, where no one can hear you scream, the Cosmos 1 is heading off to somewhere else. The crew have been on this 6 month mission. They are an advanced space faring race with their futuristic lockers and guitar-looking radar wall screen and the tendency to do space/time conversion formulas. Somewhere else another space vessel, Cosmos 3, has problems. The ship and crew are being held hostage by Centaurians (think of Klingons without the brown paint and sash, but all Asian) and because of it they crash onto a "prehistoric" planet.The commander of Cosmos 1, Admiral King (played by the walking corpse of the late Wendell Corey), disobeys orders and goes on a rescue mission to Solaris. 3 months later .....Cosmos 1 arrives at the planet, where 18 years have gone by. A rescue party is sent down, lead by Commander "I don't like Centaurians" Scott with Dr. Farrell (played by the incomparable John Agar), Lt."Why won't he shut up" Bradley, Stuart Margolin as the Chief and some nobody who's expendable (think of the red shirt security officers from the original Star Trek series). At the same time, Linda (Irene Tsu) escapes to the planet to stretch her legs.On the "prehistoric" planet below, they find the crash site and the lone survivor; a Centaurian named Tang (Robert Ito). The rest of the movie is just a "stew" containing paper machete sets, stock footage of an iguana, a rubber iguana on fire, a sock-like jumping tree snake, a hopping spider plush toy, animal cruelty towards a chimpanzee (Teeko), stock footage, the admiral's slurred confused alcoholic rants and a trio of cavemen brutes. We top this with scenes upon scenes of the lecherous, chauvinistic, sexual harassing, karate practicing Lt. Bradley (who never shuts up). Visualize the Watney Smith character from Outlaw of Gor .... CABOT !!Though the budget of the movie (and by proxy the intelligence of the write/director) was low, the movie still manages to be infused with a thought provoking plot about race relations, cultural differences, not being understood, being different, going through turmoil and finding a resolution. As a rule, you probably won't need more than 5 or 6 shots of SoCo to be able to see this.You will probably recognize some of the actors. They had long and fulfilling careers, but you would not have bet on that after seeing this movie. Riveting performances like "crossing the log when we could go around or jump over the liquid" scene and Irene Tsu's unforgettable banana scene. This scene is both erotic, inappropriate and confusing (the skin of the banana ,and by proxy the banana itself, is bite-proof, yet not peel proof). Robert Ito's "hopping" interpretation of Tang will haunt me for the rest of my days. I highly recommend this movie if you are not alone, not on any sleep inducing medication nor in possession of a dissection kit and are watching the MST3k version of this movie. In my final thoughts I noticed a similarity between this movie and another MST alumni, The Clonus Horror. Now to a bit of SAT deja vu :The Clonus Horror is to The Island as The Women of the Prehistoric Planet is to …. a) Star Trek b) Star Wars c) None of the above d) Battlestar Galactica.... for those even remotely interested the answer will be in my next review.-Celluloid Rehab