Artivels Undescribable Perfection

Plustown A lot of perfectly good film show their cards early, establish a unique premise and let the audience explore a topic at a leisurely pace, without much in terms of surprise. this film is not one of those films.

Verity Robins Great movie. Not sure what people expected but I found it highly entertaining.

Geraldine The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

HaemovoreRex Thomas Tang unleashes yet another assault on human sanity with this Z-grade, cut and splice ninja crap-fest featuring drug dealing ninja, CIA operatives and a completely non related story from Thailand! If you've ever had the pleasure (ahem) of watching these movies before then you'll know exactly what to expect here.....yes indeed, atrocious acting (just check out the 'actress' playing Peggy in this....she's actually clearly laughing during the torture scene!!!), abysmal dubbing/voice over work (I mean where in the hell do the makers find the voice over artists? And does ANYONE really speak like that?!?!) and enough daft plot contrivances to fill an average Australian soap opera for a whole year! Yey verily - this is indeed Crapus Maximus!.....But oh so much fun! Just check out some of the hilarious highlights on offer in this which include: The aforementioned torture scene on Peggy during which a particularly sadistic ninja proceeds to repeatedly brand her before gleefully applying a cruel looking finger crushing contraption to her hands (and all the while he's cackling like a loony!) Also check out the truly horrific eighties fashions the western actors are attired in (I remember dressing in them to!!!)....ye gods! The hero in this is especially guilty and spends his spare time (out of his ninja togs) dressed in a red and black stripy top with skin tight white jeans!!! - My eyes almost bled!The very best bit though is a completely bonkers scene in which in order to hide from our pursuing hero, the evil ninja transform themselves into......fish(!!!) Yes indeed you read that correctly the first time around! But it gets even better (or worse depending upon your viewpoint)....for suddenly the ninja fish launch an all out attack on our man by flying out of the water at him and exploding!!! Good God!!! Who the hell thought this up?! As it happens, there's no time to ponder such matters for our hero quite rightly immediately sets about spearing the aquatic fiends on his sword! Alas!- The head evil ninja uses this opportunity to launch a sneaky flying fish strike from behind, knocking our hero over before transforming back to human form.Well, what can one say about such a demented spectacle? If like me, you have a predilection for grand cinematic ineptitude then step forward my friends - this is definitely for you!