ironhorse_iv
Hip Hop Artist/Rapper, Robert Van Winkle AKA Vanilla Ice's first big attempt at acting in Hollywood, ultimately got left out in the cold, as 1991's 'Cool as Ice', bombed at the box office. The reasons, why, are very clear. This movie directed by David Kellogg was just not that good. It's a shame that this action, romantic musical film was loosely based off 1953's memorable biker movie, 'The Wild One', because it fails as a good old-fashioned teen rebellion movie. Instead of having the protagonist, Johnny Van Owens (Vanilla Ice) be the anti-hero, like the original movie; fighting against the crude-over-controlling conservative establishment, in which, he encountered in the town. The movie chose to go really far in the left field, and have Vanilla Ice in the second act, be the hero, in a generic, out of place, action movie, hostage-situation, rescue mission that literally has, little to do with anti-authority themes of the first part of the film. It's really jarring. It doesn't help that the action scene, look way, over the top, with Johnny's crashing his motorcycle, through walls and jumping over, cars. To make it worst, the love story between, honor student, Kathy Winslow (Kristen Minter) and bad boy, Johnny is also very unrealistic. After all, it's pretty hard to get with somebody that nearly tries to kill you by making you fall off, a horse!? Better yet, breaks into your house, unannounced, and wakes you, up, by pouring ice cold cubes on your body, steal your book to find out, more about you or try to poison your fishes with brass rings when you break up with him! Its call stalking. Does Vanilla Ice do this, with all, the girls, he had relationship with!? There just something creepy about it. To add on the cringe-factor, Johnny also performs 'Get With it', one of the most misogyny songs in Vanilla Ice's album, while his love-interest is in the audience, while pseudo dry humping and groping other women. How is that, not a sign to drop the zero, and get with another hero!? In short, all the musical performances in this film are horrible, as Ice's mic skills is rhythmically stiff & off-tone, throughout the movie. Those rap sequences really does expose his flaws, both as artist & actor. It's doesn't seem raw. It's sad, too; because all, Vanilla Ice had to do, is show some range and act like himself, not his cocky on-stage persona. Show some true weaknesses of Johnny, while building on his strengths. Instead, the movie chose to shallowing avoids that; in its place, they create, this cartoony, over-the-top childish character. Since, Johnny doesn't have, any emotional depth. He really doesn't bring you, in. In short, nothing, seem genuine. Of course, since this movie is out of touch with reality, Kathy finds this charming as opposed to not buying into, pathetic fake-looking childish call for attention. I really can't stand, Kristen Minter's character, because of this, even if her acting wasn't that bad, and she was semi-attractive. Her character's blind ignorant toward Johnny is frustrating to watch. Well, at least, the audience wasn't sway, as they knew, all of this, was indeed phony. The Improbable Hairstyle, awkward bright, neon clothing and cheesy catchphrases were getting tiresome & dated, even for the time. The gangsta movement was just the corner, waiting for the main spark, the acquittal of four policemen on trial in beating of Rodney King to bring them, into the mainstream. Sooner than later, Vanilla Ice's style, was going to go to the back-burner & along, with this movie. Another thing, about this movie, that hasn't aged well, besides the music; is the outlandish sound effects. All of those, record scratching & tape-recorder rewinds, throughout the film, really does come across, as gimmicky & annoying. As for the camera work & the editing. All of those fast & slow motion montages really seem, not needed. It made the film, a little more unwatchable. It's highly in your face, cheesy. Even, the set design is, out there. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind, the Cloud Cuckoo Land surrealism of the background, but it does, come across, as a bit, distracting. Despite that, I do like the bright dance number & neon opening text, even if it's ripping off, the beginning of director, Spike Lee's 1989's 'Do the Right Thing' & has super-model, Naomi Campbell lip-syncing. I also don't mind, most of the scenery, the film has. After all, cinematographer for this movie, Janusz Kaminski, would later win two Oscars for the films, 1993's 'Schindler's List' & 1998's 'Saving Private Ryan'. Still, that wouldn't be enough to save this movie for me. I really don't like this movie. It's really notoriously dreadful to the point, that even director, David Kellogg, completely disowned it. All the annoying acting, confusing plot-lines, and ear-bleeding rap sequences, makes this, really hard to watch. It's not even that good to call 'So bad, it's good'. In the end, this movie need to store in frozen carbonite, and never be open, again. Better yet, it will be best to destroy this movie with liquid nitrogen if you got a copy. It's just plain old awful! Highly don't recommended.
